A Dream Remembered

Bus
Magic
Double-decker, old
London.
The colour blue, jade
Open back, hop on and off.

Mum and Dad, I can't see them.
They are with me.
Young, eight or nine
Step on the bus
Dark
Toys, brightly coloured seats
And soft play.

People, here, but I can't see them.
Outside vision, blurred darkness
Not scared.
Parents, here, protecting me.
Stairs
Many levels
Magic.
Up and up,
To the atmosphere.

Top room, so small.
Lighthouse
The view, a panorama
Theme park, rides everywhere.
Families I know
Through the window, dive,
Down, like a bungee jump.

This is actually my second attempt at exercise 1, creating a poem from a recurring childhood dream. The first draft I didn't feel was worthy of putting onto screen. On a read through it felt disjointed and there was a lack of continuity of language. I hadn't followed the brief: rather just copied words straight from my notebook and set them on different lines. So for my second attempt (above) I have pared things right down, stripping it back to just singular words or short phrases. This works much better, the minimalism creates quite an abstract atmosphere which is quite visually interesting. Overall I am pleased with this, my first attempt at poetry. Even though in parts, the arrangement is abrupt and clumsy, there is the beginning of some promising imagery.

For my second draft (below) I took what I had written already and added things to it- more words, more language and more description. I rephrased things and shuffled words around to try and create a more detailed, atmospheric piece of writing. I really enjoyed doing this- once the bare bones of the piece were in place it was fun messing around with it to create something similar but new. The results of both drafts are quite dark and sinister, with a recurring theme of darkness and the image of this big bus. This is surprising as I didn't set out to create this; it's just where the language has taken me. Overall I am pleased with the results- also surprising as I was convinced that I was going to hate anything I wrote at the beginning of this course, especially seeing as it is poetry! Which just goes to show that I mustn't have preconceived ideas about things beforehand, and just throw myself into everything. On a more technical side, I feel that some of the verses are beginning to fit together nicely, but I don't feel confident about the correct grammatical layout of poetry and how it is all supposed to fit together, so perhaps this accounts for the disjointed feel the poem has in parts. I feel the poem works best in the first and last verse due to the strong imagery of the double-decker bus and the figure jumping into the final panorama. This has taught me the vital importance of creating strong images in my writing- it will make both prose and poetry from now on far more interesting and exciting for both me as the author, and for the reader.

Draft 2:

The bus from Nowhere
Arrives, as if by magic.
Old double-decker,
London Retro
Not red but bright blue-jade.
The open back-
Hop on. Hop off.

Mother and Father, here they are,
But I can't see them.
They are with me.
Inside the darkness
Of the bus.

Here is the Funbus
With toys and brightly coloured seats.
The people here, I can't see them.
Exist outside my vision
In the blurred darkness.
No feelings inside, just empty void.
Not scared, they are with me.

Go up the stairs
Up and up,
High into the atmosphere.
Very small, this room atop.
The view- a panorama
Of huge theme park and rides.
Friends and family,
Laughing voices float up from down below.

Out the window now, diving
Down, down
A bungee jump to join them
On their rides, below.