Negligee

She marches through the neon tunnels of the shopping centre, the footsteps of shoppers echoing off the walls and into her head. She ignores the many storefronts, with their bright displays to entice customers through their open doors; instead her eyes stay straight ahead and focused. She takes a sharp left and finds the shop she’s looking for. She pauses for just a moment, and looks around her. Stupid to think anyone would recognize her here, but still she feels guilty and doesn’t want to be caught out and have to make any embarrassing small talk.
She crosses the threshold into the alluring pink and purple decorated space. Thankfully the shop is empty at such an early hour; she doesn’t think she could handle the laughing couples arm in arm choosing risqué lingerie in lace and silk.
The lighting in this place is dimmed, soft and flattering, in contrast to the rest of the shopping centre. She wanders through the store, weaving her way through the rails of lingerie - reaching out and touching the fabrics, feeling the silkiness between her fingers. Tucking a strand of blonde hair back behind her ear, she rifles through the clothes rail trying to find her size. She feels embarrassed, furtive, as she grabs different hangers and drapes them over her arm, ready to make her way to the fitting room at the back of the store. As she swings back past the door she gets too close to the security gate and the quietness of the store is pierced with the frantic electronic beeping of the alarm. Feeling her cheeks prickle with red, she holds the hangers high and waves at the shop assistant who looks up from the till with a frown, and nods in the direction of the changing room.
She pulls the heavy blue velvet curtain across and hangs her outfits up on the brass hook on the wall. She is grateful for the soft orange lighting as she pulls off her clothes and let’s them fall into a pile on the floor. Stood naked in front of the mirror, she looks at her body and tries to imagine it through his eyes. Not perfect, but then who is? She can feel familiar feelings of self-loathing bubble to the surface and she tries to swallow them down. She knows deep down this tryst is just another way of her acting out; of trying to beat down her low self esteem that has been with her since she was a child.